Has no one ever told you about catching flies with honey?

I received a piece of mail today from The Economist magazine. I had let my subscription lapse and they've been trying to encourage me to resubscribe. Well after today they can kiss that goodbye. Their letter starts off:

"Dear Isil Flynn,
Your timing could hardly be worse.
Just as the world is connecting, opening up unprecedented opportunities...
...you go and break your connection to The Economist."

(Oh my! My bad! What was I thinking???? Please please please, forgive me and take my (not unsubstantial amount of money) for a half-year subscription. I am prostrate on the ground with grief at being unconnected. -- whatever!)

The final line is a little better:
"Won't you please use this opportunity to reinstate your subscription and restore your special world-connection?"

Well, no.

First of all, I'm already world-connected (it's call the World Wide Web for a reason) and secondly, I figure if you want money from someone, don't put them on the defensive from the get go. To be quite honest, The Economist is a great source of information but had I wanted to continue receiving it I wouldn't have let my subscription lapse.

By the time I reached the last line I was steamed enough not to care that they finally said "please".